If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
