Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
