He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
