went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We had sex on a dog bed..
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
