Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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