Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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