I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
