So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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