My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I met the friendliest cop last night
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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