How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
