don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
