watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
