I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
