so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
