THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
