i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
