Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
