Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
