Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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