I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
