You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
