Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
