i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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