Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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