Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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