like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
