I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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