apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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