Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
