I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
