He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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