hotel room ftw
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
