yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
