i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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