I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
