I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
