I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
