well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
