meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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