Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
