You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
