I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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