Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
