So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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