can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
