i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
