I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
