bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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