My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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