i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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