Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
