Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
